Soak

Where do you turn when things get rough?  When the road is hard and you don’t think you can go on?  This world is disappearing slowly, what will be left when it is gone? Why do people act the way they do?  What is the point of existence?

I can tell you where I turn. When I started reading the bible I had come with many questions.  But, in it I found that I was not asking the right questions.  And when it slowly seeped into my bones, I found solace there.  And I found that to the really important questions I began to have satisfying answers. Answers for myself that gave me peace. Answers for others who were lost and disillusioned. I learned that the supreme question is “how do I love?”  And the answer for me was, “Love like Jesus loved.” 

When I am burdened with questions and feel that life is unfair or I feel the burning pit in my gut, from stress and depression, or the resigned sadness that comes when I give up on little battles, one by one, I turn to God.  I do this by getting a blanket, finding a comfortable position on the couch, and turning on my God mix on my stereo.  It is up to 17 hours of music, which I turn on shuffle and listen to for hours while I soak in music, Christian or secular, that speaks to me of God and the truths that still my heart.  I pull out my bible, read a chapter here or there, and fall in and out of sleep.  All the while the music and the message water my weary soul. I pray a simple prayer, “talk to me.”

And he does.  Every single time.  Sometimes it is a scripture that stands out.  Sometimes it is the still small voice speaking peace and wisdom into my soul:  peace and wisdom that do not come from my own frenzied or half-checked-out self, whatever the case may be for that seeking.  It is pleasant and peaceful and I look forward to those times.  They give me strength to carry on, they give me peace. They give me perspective and love for others.  Sometimes, it is all God can do to stop my sobbing.  Sometimes, it is a shorting up of the warm ineffable peace, relaxation and joy that I already feel in my soul. Sometimes, it is a calming of the anger I am too scared to entertain. Sometimes it is simply because I need a break from the world.

In these times, I hear the voice, “Elijah, what are you doing here?” Read 1 Kings 19 for the reference.  It is my favorite story in scripture.  Go ahead, google it. I promise you will not regret it. And when you are caught up in the manic frenzy of our human condition, or have come to the wall at the end of a long road of suffering and pain, or just have an hour to kill, get your blanket, lay on the couch, put on some good music, and pray, “talk to me.”  If you can't say the prayer, start with the soaking: close your eyes, put on some music, lay down, and relax.  I promise, as soon as you open yourself up and pull out that dusty bible some jerk gave you as a gift (and you didn't have the heart to throw it out) and pick a spot in the new testament and read a few lines.  If you do this a few times, you are praying the prayer, "talk to me" through your actions.  If you already believe, soak. You are in the company of the mystics who have been seeking God throughout the entire long history that man has been looking for answers outside himself.