Loneliness and the Opposite - an Inward Life of Solitude
Henry David Thoreau wrote, "When our life ceases to be inward and private, conversation degenerates into mere gossip. We rarely meet a man who can tell us any news which he has not read in a newspaper, or been told by his neighbor; and, for the most part, the only difference between us and our fellow is that he has seen the newspaper, or been out to tea, and we have not. In proportion as our inward life fails, we go more constantly and desperately to the post office (modern readers could read Facebook, instagram or twitter or email). You may depend on it, that the poor fellow who walks away with the greatest number of letters (read likes or reads or emails) proud of his extensive correspondence has not heard from himself in a long while."
I am reading a book about solitude, hospitality, and prayer by Henri Nouwen called "Reaching Out" and two other books including Walden by Henry David Thoreau. Walden keeps coming up in all the books I have read lately, including one on Mindfulness as the distilled form of Buddhist meditation for the unreligious. Over and over again in my reading, Walden comes up. It was written in 1854 and is more applicable than when it was written, I think. Here is what I have found so far.
We live in a lonely society in the Western world. Everything tears us away from solitude and knowing our selves and sets us out to find relief in consumption. Consumption promising happiness and connectivity to others. The very thing we cannot attain by consumption. It is no wonder to me why mental health concerns touch every person I have ever known deeply at some point in their lives, and clinically touch 1 out of 4 of us (meaning that 1 out of 4 have a mental health diagnosis at some point). What is the solution for this? I think it is different for everybody. But I can describe what it is for me, and what I am going to do now.
Next time I flirt with the idea of getting my ego massaged on social media, I am going to do what I have been doing the past year instead. Close the case on the laptop. Pull out a book of daily meditations. I have one for men called "On the Threshold of Transformation," a men's daily meditation that my wife got me. I also have "A year of Miracles" which is a Nicotine Anonymous daily devotional with spiritual themes. And then there is the very Christian "Jesus Calling." I am going to take one of these out (or all three) and read today's message. Then I will light my prayer candle. I will stare into the flame and then close my eyes, still staring at the flame moving and flickering in my mind's eye. Then I am going to do the mindfulness meditation I learned from "Wherever You Go, There You Are" (an audio book by John Kabat-Zin). To do this, I will focus on my breath going in and out. Not controlling it, just experiencing it. After doing this for some period of time, I will open my mind to the still small voice inside. I believe this is God talking to me, but you can believe any thing you want about it. It may be your true self. Jesus. God. The collective conscious of man. The lines between God and us are blurry at best in meditation. It only matters that you recognize the good in it. For me, this means comparing the character of what is "said" or felt or pictured to the God I know from reading the scriptures. If you don't have a God to recognize, it may be hard to filter out what is your own voice and what is the voice of your true self. But if you don't believe in God, just recognize the positive and consider it. You might have to wade through some muck to get there. Dismiss it. I will consider the messages and pictures that come to me.
That is it. That is all I have to do. If you are doing this, you have just gotten out of your loneliness and instead have experienced solitude. As I have done this over the past year, I have found that my relationships with others has deepened. Some of the old relationships that were not supportive fell away. And I had eyes to see the others close to me that would have deep meaningful relationships with me. I get new ideas on how to pursue and develop these relationships. The result being, I am not lonely. I don't need facebook. It is not a source for my ego and identity. It is incidental. My identity is given by God and by the people who know me, deeply. I am outside the culture that surrounds me - trying to get me to believe that I can consume my way to happiness, to involved-ness, to community.
Comments