Without Love, I am a charlatan
Without love, as a Christian, I am just a charlatan peddling
a world view. I feel that it is a world
view
that is complete and total, healing and hopeful. But really without love, it is just another of many. In Christianity, it is said that God is the God of relationship. The dogma I have accepted says he is three in one, father spirit and son in eternal relationship with each other. So it makes sense that relationship would be important in this world view. I think it was important to Jesus: he was always taking time for people, interacting with them on a deep level and being present with them. And they responded. Like Zacchaeus, they ran to get a glimpse of him, and then he surprised everyone by coming to dinner with us - like Zacchaeus - unworthy sinners.
that is complete and total, healing and hopeful. But really without love, it is just another of many. In Christianity, it is said that God is the God of relationship. The dogma I have accepted says he is three in one, father spirit and son in eternal relationship with each other. So it makes sense that relationship would be important in this world view. I think it was important to Jesus: he was always taking time for people, interacting with them on a deep level and being present with them. And they responded. Like Zacchaeus, they ran to get a glimpse of him, and then he surprised everyone by coming to dinner with us - like Zacchaeus - unworthy sinners.
And, as a Christian, when I say I am unworthy, I am not
getting down on myself. No, the bible
teaches me to look upon myself as a unique, chosen individual at the receiving
end of an eternal parent’s unbounded love. What I have learned from
Christianity is that every human being, individually, is the focus of that
infinite love. The infinite love that made the universe out of nothing, and that
made me. No, I believe I am unworthy because I believe that God is supreme and
Holy, perfect and loving beyond what I can fathom. In the face of perfection, how can I do
anything but wonder in hushed silence in a posture of worship of something
greater. Naturally it makes me aware of my failings, because that is how I
am. Not that God wants this, mind
you. He wants my worship. And worship of God for me is synonymous with attention. He wants my attention - like everyone else in
my life deserves.
But I can only give it if I am intentional in relationship
with him, and when I, within the limitations of my broken state, love him back. You can see how well I am doing with this by
looking at my human relationships. It
says in scripture that if we cannot love our brother, we cannot love God. I
believe this to be true. So how are my relationships at the moment? If they are
broken, disconnected and full of shame, it is a reflection of the state of my
heart. Because when I am not taking time away to think and to reflect (and I
know I need this, maybe more than most), my heart is not as able to love. When
I am not spending quality time with God, reading my bible, interacting with
others in a personal and loving way, humbly serving the less fortunate, my personal
relationships suffer because my heart suffers.
I have seen this in myself time and time again.
When I am full of myself - believing I know the truth, or conversely,
full of myself - full of self-loathing and shame, I am only on the receiving
end of consoling love. I have nothing to give. Nothing to give to others,
nothing to give to my wife, my family, my neighbors, myself. I know this of myself. When I am not spending time in the presence
of God, I consume his love and give nothing back. It is wild, furious, nurturing, consoling, infinite
and even romantic love. And I am to be a
vessel for it, getting filled up and giving it back to others. (Well, at least, tamed down a little: people
can be nervous). When I give it back to
others, growing those relationships, I may see them grow their relationship
with what I believe is God.
I had a taste of
this the other day. I was walking into a
gas station after thinking on these things.
I noticed the people going in and out and focused on one, and I was
filled with such a deep compassion for him, that I had to pause. Time stood
still, just for a second. And I noticed I had this same feeling for everyone
that was coming and going in front of me.
I didn’t want anything from them, didn’t even see the need to do
anything, because I think they would think that was weird, and I didn’t think
any of them really needed anything from me at the moment. I just had to stand there for a few seconds
and drink it in. It was a little
reminder from God: if I could have this experience every time with every relationship
I come in contact with (my wife, my family, my friends, my coworkers, my online
acquaintances) I think I would be much further along the road to being like
Jesus. I cannot impart eternal life on another. In fact, what is eternal life? Jesus prayed to God in
front of his disciples “eternal life is this: to know you. The only true
God.” (John 17:3). So love for now. Love - giving my attention - takes me much
closer to being someone that has a world view that others want to buy.
Comments