It is impossible to help someone who doesn't want it

     It is impossible to help someone who doesn't think they need or doesn't want help.  It can be a frustrating thing if you love them, because most of us can't see past our own issues.  Our issues, and outlook because of them, traps us in a world view that we cannot easily see through.  It usually takes someone else who we have a relationship with to say something that shatters the barriers we have constructed.  It shatters through the lens through which we look at the world.  But most of us are under the extremely destructive and insulating belief that we can take care of ourselves.  We believe we are self sufficient. Reaching out is a sign of weakness.  But the truth is the opposite.  We are relational creatures.  We need others and reaching out is a sign of strength, and it enables those people who are sitting on the fringes of our lives to stop being silent and provide help.  Because a broken and contrite spirit reaps the rewards of the help offered to us.

     I used to be a computer help desk person.  People would have problems with their computers and would call me for help. They wanted help and it was easy and enjoyable to provide it.  There was always an ah-ha moment and then a hearty thanks.  When I got further along in my career, I was supporting servers and systems that many people used.  Sometimes people would complain about this or that, but I thought they needed help, so I would try to apply the same helpfulness to their situation.  It's what the bible calls throwing pearls to swine. They will trample them underfoot and may even turn and bite you. That is no commentary on the people who I was working with.  It is a statement that you cannot give away something to someone who doesn't want it.  They will simply not appreciate it and may even turn on you.

     Someone I know is going through a deep depression that has been going on to some extent in her life for decades.  It has become acute because she is facing a major life change.  Things have finally gotten bad enough that she is reaching out for help.  And now she accepts help from me because she knows I have been though similar difficulties.

     It is a broken and contrite spirit who can accept help.  And it is the broken and contrite spirit of the sinner, who knows in his bones that he is a sinner, that will accept the help of the gospel message. What does it mean to be a sinner?  It means you know you are not the best person you could be. A desperate person will accept the gospel message. Because the core of the gospel message is that you are loved so infinitely much more than you can imagine and you are accepted just as you are with all of your flaws and failures.  And you don't have to be alone anymore.  You are not drowning alone. You are beginning a journey into a new and renewed and rejuvenated life.  If you say yes to it and accept it, that is, accept that you are saved and loved, you become a caterpillar in metamorphosis. For me it took 20 years to really see it.  But I think other people saw it long before that.  I was just very slow to accept the truths that are plainly laid out in scripture.  I am a bit of a self-styled intellectual.  Meaning that I only come to a conclusion after a preponderance of evidence makes it clear that it is the only correct position. Of course, this can also make you the slowest and most block-headed person because you don't accept the things that are staring you in the face.  But the benefit is that once you have accepted something, it grows into the tendrils of your neurons like a weed. Thankfully it will not be dislodged easily. 

     Many people come to the gospel in their desperation.  Some people say that this is not necessarily the prerequisite, but I see it over and over. I have never met a Christian who has not dealt with some sort of hardship and turned their will over to God in that time. It's only when you know you need it that you really start living the life.  And living the life does not mean that something magical happens overnight and you become the perfect person.  No. In fact, on the surface, it can appear to some blind people as quite the opposite.  All that is different now is that you are walking a path of renewal.  It is growth, and when you grow there are going to be mistakes and setbacks, but you learn from them.  You learn from them because you are contrite and becoming humble enough to not take yourself so seriously.  You become open to radical change. 

     Children who have the loving support of their parents accept change more easily than scared children of alcoholics.  You have become a child of God.  God has become your father.  You are safe and secure.  You know that nothing can come your way that God won't turn into something good.  Something that will help you on your journey.  Sometimes you can't see it right away, but if you look back you see a history of God doing this in your life. So you don't have to fear the future or even death.  Perfect love casts out fear.  Now you are a child in a secure home and you can accept change. 

     You are turning into a butterfly.  And once a butterfly, always a butterfly.  I believe God gave us the poetry of nature to teach us things of the spiritual world.  If you see your life in the world (when you followed your own desires and put yourself first) as when you were a worm, your transition and growth as the chrysalis, and your final unfolding as a butterfly, you are more likely to appreciate the journey.  Butterflies serve the desires of God.  They don't exist for themselves.  Metaphorically speaking, they don't follow their own desires, but follow God's will. Anyone can be a butterfly. But a person has to be broken to begin.  If someone can't admit that they're broken, than this journey will never begin for them.